Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I think I sprained my soul last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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