Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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