highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
