this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
