Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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