U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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