I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
