I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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