Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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