woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
