Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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