i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
