his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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