I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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