This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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