Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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