So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
