I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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