I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
