Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
