guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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