He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
