I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
