Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
