No stitches, just platelets and will power
only you would photoshop your dick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
