I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
