How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
