Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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