My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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