Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
