I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
