her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
