Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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