I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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