I love black thongs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
