Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
