dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
