i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
