Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
