So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
