I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
