"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
