The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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