Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
