I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
