Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
