i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
