I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
