It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
