I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
