you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
