I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
