It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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